Long Long time….So 2015 slipped in already..and I am m in my 30z..gosh..adulthood it so challenging man !!
So here some random thoughts on this contagious aspect..L.O.V.E.
Love is a curious thing..predictability involved at the initial years positively & den same predictability subtly turns into annoyance when words & actions of your partner seems so obvious….Love…when new is so fresh like a dew..you wake up every morning just wanting to spend every moment of the day doing something or nothing with him or her..watching moments become memories.
and then you get married..Have beautiful Kids perhaps and then things change.
you fight n you fight over NOTHING..either a bad work day, or a loan pressure or a thought process of an alternative life. You grow to loathe the person you so used to love to wake upto next. you talk less..and then lesser..and when you talk it is a firework loud & rude. Then we mellow down..adjust and clearly shift focus on kids future..but then life as it is does not give way even over so much of compassion and understanding
. Look around the people in love one has to completely surrender and giving it a socially acceptable name of commitment.
Sour hurt broken and simply powerless to stop the inevitable wreck we all seem to foresee.
But Love still lingers around now turned into need to support each other through mid age crises and then towards old age. We may rediscover what we started off the first day we met as strangers trying to be in the most appropriate manners, attire and voice mobility. But then who has the patience to hold on till that moment of truth when life is about to give way to the ultimate truth and that is death….may be we all realize the social acceptance and suitability we seek to sneak in to fit in perfect into this society….we gamble ourselves.
Think…Recollect…resonate it is relatable.


Long Long Long Time !! huh!!
So when I sit down blogging there is kinda upheaval back in my Homeland. There is this mother of all festivals gonna take place yes! the General Elections!! Other wise a festive country in din & despair we always have a reason to celebrate courtesy the range of religion,caste, ethnicity and the pluralism we pretty boast of.
To be honest my apprehensions grow stronger of the fact that we as a nation have surely aged but in terms of democratic value we have yet to mature :( rise above religion, region, caste.
Sadness prevails when I have discussions with my friends who are all finally stuck into 3 personalities in today’s present politics.
My only point being I am only concerned of the fact that where there is law & order DEVELOPMENT follows. Even a certain section of society lives in fear and suppression how is it enough to justify the credibility of a certain person’s leadership. May the best judgement prevail.


I dream, rise up and then again my energies start draining down by dawn. 24 hours of a day can seem so short & at times pretty long. There is this big fear of failure within each one us and we all try very hard not to fail at the very first attempt but as human we err always. Well!it is meant to be that way isn’t Life all about “trials & errors”.
Dreaming big is such an easy job. Aspiring and being ambitious is rather easier. A goal without a hard work continues to remain a dream. I guess almost 70% of us aspire to do some passionate stuff in our life which may not be a “highly paid” 9 to 12 Job but like some things we LOVE to do. Again we generally fail to carry on with our dreams with a fear, self doubt holds us back. Trust me it’s even easier to preach but sharing makes the impatient mind calm, composed and back to level head.
May be the self doubt & Pusillanimity was getting over me and then a fresh air of self belief & happiness snuck in making me realize the fact that Hard work pays for sure & even if we are disgruntled sad hopeless lost or just directionless LIFE has so much to offer. But if one’s passion is to serve the million lot then such restricted thought of self glorification and self happiness should never cross ways and discourage you. Bigger dreams demand bigger sacrifices.
Comfort & Peace!
Chance favors the prepared mind.


“Bol Ki Lab Azaad Hain Tere
Bol Zabaan Ab Tak Teri Hai
Tera Sutawaan Jism Hai Tera.
Bol Ki Jaan Ab Tak Teri Hai.
Bol Ki Lab Azaad Hain Tere
Dekh Ke Aahan-gar Ki Dukaan Mein
Tund Hain Shole Surkh Hai Aahain.
Khulane Lage Quffalon Ke Dahaane
Phailaa Har Ek Zanjiir Kaa Daaman.
Bol Ye Thoda Waqt Bahut Hai
Jism-o-zabaan Ki Maut Se Pahale.
Bol Ki Sach Zindaa Hai Ab Tak
Bol .. Jo Kuchh Kahane Hai Kah Le!
Bol .. Jo Kuchh Kahane Hai Kah Le”- FAIZ AHMAD FAIZ.


Washington George (1732-1799)



I really don’t know how else to express my anguish….a feeling of pain & anxiety has sneaked in, the least I can do for the victimized soul!

Strength & courage to you both.


I am disturbed reading the news of death of this Indian woman Dr. Savita Halappanavar. All the more the reason of her death is much more upsetting and disgusting i.e. being denied abortion/termination of her pregnancy because it is an illegal act in Ireland. I am not here to comment or  judge on the historicity of such a Law which makes Abortion illegal but share my agony,anger ,abhorrence which fails to negotiate with my sense of reasoning.


My deepest condolence to the family. Death is the only truth of life, the antithesis of life seems unacceptable and unreasonable every time when we lose a near or a dear one.The loss is irreparable be it a natural death leave aside an accident or a cause of death like this. Why I say this is perhaps not only my emotional upheaval but also a certain set of reasoning and belief which I believe every right thinking person /law-abiding citizen should agree to a certain degree(if not completely,however because the difference of opinion/ideas paves the way for a just interpretation ending in a logical/rational say.)

As a human(man/woman/LGBT))I have a full right over my body , how come at the first place this personal dwelling be regulated to such an extent that a law can seize my right to take a decision for my own self to pro create or go for an abortion.

To defend an irrational law by bringing in a draconian religious dicta for “pro-life” doesn’t in any way substantiate my anguish  that any woman can at a legitimate state be ever denied her basic right to choose to go ahead with the pregnancy or not.

I am not anti-life but then one has choices /options only till a kid is unborn,the day it is there in this world you have a full responsibility for that child.

What if the pregnancy is out of a rape (by the husband or otherwise)?

What if even after conceiving the couple feels that they are not ready to take up the responsibility aptly for a good upbringing of the child?

What if such an incident occurs which was never anticipated denying them the liberty to carry on with the conception?

Hence a many what’s and why’s to the unforeseeable fluky sequel ? Family planning is a very personal issue hardly affecting any social system till the offspring who will be a grown up individual one day affects the society by his good/bad deeds primarily for the kind of upbringing he had.The issue seems unreasonable because it is not practical to the contemporary society  where a basic human right is being denied.Imposing one’s religious belief through practices like this seems an ungodly manner.

Okay What if I don’t believe in religion or god at the first place? Again confusing religion and god is a misconceived notion for many of us(The Irony being that I am yet to believe any even if I am a born christian and practicing christainity on papers only and even though this religious discourse leads to invade the peace & harmony of my marital bliss every time me & my husband sit down debating /discussing religion/God/faith/beleif,  he being a firm God fearing religious Christian).The set of cultural,social,belief system(i.e. religion) is no where supreme to being humane and compassionate at the first place.Leave aside the concept of ” God” which for a person like me who is still exploring/evolving to discover the buffer zone of  atheism & agnosticism seems to be an abstract,imaginary metaphysical entity “He is himself , an evolution of concepts that attempted to tame man’s initial ignorance”. With due respect to people practicing any faith/religion/Gods/Goddesses I vow my opinion.

In this global world where migration of people is an order of the day we can not afford to be insensitive to one’s belief/religion/faith or worship..So the point is a woman lost her life in such an unfortunate incident.We all aspire to give the best possible future to our children through ideal principles,manners,education & articulated upbringing.I am here advocating for a reasonable and lawful abortion and unethical act like say for female foeticide is a strong “NO”. The law of any nation  I believe is able enough to stand the test of time evolve and ably regulate and monitor people,places, customs or anything.

The investigation is on, many are terming it as a “medical negligence” but I contradict it by judging the position of that doctor who has this flickering light of terror which is always at the back of his mind reminding him of the  punishment of “life imprisonment” for carrying out an  abortion.There is ambiguity about the law and even the recent judgement of Irish Supreme court that in such a critical condition the mother should be saved, is not a help because the law hasn’t been amended yet.The law/statue anywhere is black and white,it is not in a mid way.It is the interpretation of law in which the trial is conducted but there has to be a clear cut law at the first place.The doctors are always under the threat to face the consequence. Agreeing to the fact that even if there had been a medical error/judgement/negligence on the part of the doctors this ambiguity in law gives a room to benefit of doubt to the accused.

It is equally important for people like us to realize who willingly go to work in other countries for a better life,opportunity measuring all the parameters of happiness/success/contentment being the amount of money we earn.The trend of delivering a child in developed countries like USA where a person is citizen by birth is a astute fashion for resident aliens. Migration also has an inbuilt subconscious acceptance that you have to abide by the rules/regulations and laws of that country so if one has a problem with their legitimacy you are free to raise your voice(but remember you are an alien anyways a second class citizen).

[Disclaimer: this is not with reference to anyone particular/specific in person]

[Irony: I am also an resident alien by now]

Child-birth is such a rigorous/life threatening  process and in every case it has it’s own medical uncertainties and complications involved, I still feel that the tragedy could have been averted if they would have delivered the baby back home knowing the stringent laws in case of any adversity but destiny as it is.

Sadly it has been predominantly accepted that  the developed countries are the only pioneers of successful and a happy life but the laws like these brings me back to senses that the line sadly blurs when there is a debate of equality,secularism,human rights and the same.

I just wish that Ireland amends its laws keeping in interest of its religious dogmas and also the basic right of every woman over her body (hence her soul) &  leading a life of dignity and respect.

वो तीन और मैं।

To begin with like any other kid I was brought up in an environment where certain set of preconceived notions like Religion, Their God-Our God, Community, Social convictions, Marriage, Motherhood etc were gently enveloped in my growing years via Home, family, relatives, school, college, workplace without giving  any space to reasoning perhaps.

Of course, thanks to the gorged in mannerism,culture,etiquette,values imbibed which I guess, I have rather stopped evolving after my mom-dad stopped parenting me, might be giving way to the growth of my own set of notions/beliefs/understanding which are still in an infant stage and eager to develop through experiences and knowledge/education.

और अचानक आज इतने सालों बाद लगा की निष्कर्ष निकलना चाहिए की ऐसे कौन से लोग है जिनके विचारों ने , वाय्तित्वा ने, उनके जीवनी ने काफ़ी हद तक मुझे प्रभावित किया है।

Three personalities I admire, aspire and kind of idolize are


2. KRISHNA (also proclaimed as a God in Hinduism).


My intention here is to pen down” my point of view” and my personal bias towards them otherwise Google is there to serve your queries and explore them in-depth.


I literally love this man the kind of character he is sly, opportunist, sharp, convincing, adventurous that every time I read about him it’s like getting a new angle to your thoughts over again. His artfully subtle ideas and crafty implementation of his insidious plans appeals me the most.I get a glimpse of him in everyone but no one .People are out rightly so mean today but aren’t so correct in placing themselves.Politics has its genesis in some negative ideals too क्योकि राजनीती और सत्ता में तटस्थ समानता है।It is a struggle of power and the incumbent is to be replaced sooner or later we call it democracy in a civilized nation and a coup in a lesser civilized one’s.The vision of Chanakya of  अखंड भारत which any ruler of his times never even thought of besides strengthening their own anarchy or monarchy is the most appealing thing for me.Though the very basis of his anger and enragement was towards the injustice his family faced  particularly his father for unearthing the kind of anarchy prevailing in the kingdom of Nanda dynasty but in disguise history was paving way for an extraordinary Statesman.The way he played with the strength and weaknesses of persons and organizations and turning them favorable for his ambition was exceptional.Truth is circumstantial because it can have a million view except certain sets of Universal truth.Nothing is categorically very right or absolutely wrong  if intentions are clear for a greater good it should pave way for collateral damage.I still feel to read about him over again and getting a new perspective all the time.


Sorry , not to be offensive at all  but Krishna for me is just an other interesting mythological character.

He certainly seems to be  a very popular God(so-called) in Hinduism, a versatile reincarnation. The very obvious image of Krishna in my mind imprinted was the face of  Mr. Nitesh Bhardwaaj, it was only when I grew up and television was taken over by many other satellite channels I could differentiate that ok so he is k=just a personified character. An  interesting fact  to add-on is recently I watched this very hilarious bollywood movie “OH MY GOD”  where a very new profile of Krishna was pictured [suit boot mein aaya kanhaiya meri band bajaane ko(funny man!)]. He as a character is one who so soulfully manipulates things turning them favorable to the available best resources.The author has cleverly crafted to credit him with the good and the bad, veiling it indeed under the acts of  (proclaimed) divine God. Though I am still to explore him profoundly but certain basic angles of Krishna are fascinating.His female bonding..having lot many wives and two mothers (Biological ,Devki & the other being a foster ,Yashoda).The stories of his affair with Radha and the devotion of Meera giving a complete new outlook to Love/Lust. His skillful /deceitful ways to make things fall accurately. He reinstates my view on survival of the fittest where ideologies,truth, outlook,dogmas are rather situational. His role in the epic Mahabharta and his teachings to Arjun at the war is the Gita. It is indeed wiser to take a wider view on life including the end to be possibly justified to a greater benefit inbuilt is the collateral damage somehow. Krishna to sum up as Ramdhari singh dinkarji has penned down.

वर्षों तक वन में घूम घूम, बाधा विघ्नों को चूम चूम

सह धूप घाम पानी पत्थर, पांडव आये कुछ और निखर
सौभाग्य न सब दिन होता है, देखें आगे क्या होता है
मैत्री की राह दिखाने को, सब को सुमार्ग पर लाने को
दुर्योधन को समझाने को, भीषण विध्वंस बचाने को
भगवान हस्तिनापुर आए, पांडव का संदेशा लाये
दो न्याय अगर तो आधा दो, पर इसमें भी यदि बाधा हो
तो दे दो केवल पाँच ग्राम, रखो अपनी धरती तमाम
हम वहीँ खुशी से खायेंगे, परिजन पे असी ना उठाएंगे
दुर्योधन वह भी दे ना सका, आशीष समाज की न ले सका
उलटे हरि को बाँधने चला, जो था असाध्य साधने चला
जब नाश मनुज पर छाता है, पहले विवेक मर जाता है
हरि ने भीषण हुँकार किया, अपना स्वरूप विस्तार किया
डगमग डगमग दिग्गज डोले, भगवान कुपित हो कर बोले
जंजीर बढ़ा अब साध मुझे, हां हां दुर्योधन बाँध मुझे
ये देख गगन मुझमे लय है, ये देख पवन मुझमे लय है
मुझमे विलीन झनकार सकल, मुझमे लय है संसार सकल
अमरत्व फूलता है मुझमे, संहार झूलता है मुझमे
भूतल अटल पाताल देख, गत और अनागत काल देख
ये देख जगत का आदि सृजन, ये देख महाभारत का रन
मृतकों से पटी हुई भू है, पहचान कहाँ इसमें तू है
अंबर का कुंतल जाल देख, पद के नीचे पाताल देख
मुट्ठी में तीनो काल देख, मेरा स्वरूप विकराल देख
सब जन्म मुझी से पाते हैं, फिर लौट मुझी में आते हैं
जिह्वा से काढती ज्वाला सघन, साँसों से पाता जन्म पवन
पर जाती मेरी दृष्टि जिधर, हंसने लगती है सृष्टि उधर
मैं जभी मूंदता हूँ लोचन, छा जाता चारो और मरण
बाँधने मुझे तू आया है, जंजीर बड़ी क्या लाया है
यदि मुझे बांधना चाहे मन, पहले तू बाँध अनंत गगन
सूने को साध ना सकता है, वो मुझे बाँध कब सकता है
हित वचन नहीं तुने माना, मैत्री का मूल्य न पहचाना
तो ले अब मैं भी जाता हूँ, अंतिम संकल्प सुनाता हूँ
याचना नहीं अब रण होगा, जीवन जय या की मरण होगा
टकरायेंगे नक्षत्र निखर, बरसेगी भू पर वह्नी प्रखर
फन शेषनाग का डोलेगा, विकराल काल मुंह खोलेगा
दुर्योधन रण ऐसा होगा, फिर कभी नहीं जैसा होगा
भाई पर भाई टूटेंगे, विष बाण बूँद से छूटेंगे
सौभाग्य मनुज के फूटेंगे, वायस शृगाल सुख लूटेंगे
आखिर तू भूशायी होगा, हिंसा का पर्दायी होगा
थी सभा सन्न, सब लोग डरे, चुप थे या थे बेहोश पड़े
केवल दो नर न अघाते थे, धृतराष्ट्र विदुर सुख पाते थे
कर जोड़ खरे प्रमुदित निर्भय, दोनों पुकारते थे जय, जय .
रामधारि सिंह दिनकर 

I adore this Man, his courage ,fearlessness, clarity of goal is the most admirable thing in him.His non violent means opposite to the prevalent concept of AHIMSA had been unacceptable to many Gandhian but like many even I feel that the national movement had been an amalgamated effort of all set of principles at various times and degrees though predominantly it was Gandhian. Bhagat Singh had something divine an iconic hero.His sphere of knowledge and vision was immensely impressive.

“Every tiny molecule of Ash is in motion with my heat I am such a Lunatic that I am free even in Jail “– Jail Note Book of Shahid Bhagat Singh (1929).

It is amazing that a young boy of his age with quite a an affluent background could have opted out for an easier and comfortable life  but then that is what impresses me and many of us that where did they guy develop so much of courage and optimism.Well! I have not read about him as much to write a biography but he is a my personal favorite for the reasons of having such revolutionary vision and approach in such a short span of life.I mean imagine a guy of 23 yrs old sacrificing his life for the nation..it is wonderful/overwhelming.Whenever I am quite cynical and my thoughts sullen in conflicting opinions, I read his biography written by Jitendranath Sanyal and bounce back to realistic ideas a certain degree of enthusiasm pours in keeping me focused to the fact that everything can wait but not hope and hard work.His life is such an inspiring story.

This is one of my favorite  lines ” The aim of life is no more to control the mind, but to develop it harmoniously; not to achieve salvation here after, but to make the best use of it here below; and not to realize truth, beauty and good only in contemplation, but also in the actual experience of daily life; social progress depends not upon the ennoblement of the few but on the enrichment of democracy; universal brotherhood can be achieved only when there is an equality of opportunity – of opportunity in the social, political and individual life”  

– from Bhagat Singh’s prison diary, p. 12.
There are certain people, events,places, moments in all our life which leave a print an impeccable taste and aroma.We either learn or unlearn things modifying ourselves to be graceful enough.Everyday indeed is an opportunity to get better.


Categorically at this point it is difficult for me to confess if it is a state of self-denial or self motivation. Anyways I guess towards the end of this blog hopefully I can help myself accepting the Fact and so can you.

To begin, every Saturday I wake up boosting myself to fight back the warmth of this cozy blanket and come out victorious to start yet another day. The beautiful morning , awaits with all the dirty utensils in the dish washer of the previous night, bringing me back to the honest reality of leading a nuclear family in a foreign country without any family members(my mom in particular) and any help from my husband of course.

Diverting a bit from my topic but the very word “husband” entices the dormant volcano of feminism inside me, adding to the established facts about the strange characteristics of this creature called “husband” who can be so punctual for office,responsible for every project going on, coordinated/organised for every next meeting, protective husband/father,dutiful citizen and then getting back home something strange dwells in their body,mind and soul and then you realize is this the same house which you cleaned up morning…finally rearranging the house..placing the shoes(of course the stinky socks) rightly,put the towel back in the bathroom,the computer in the study table,The tea mug in the dinning…etc n etc….for the whole day and probably night.

Controlling my emotions and the unaccounted prejudices of being a woman and of course a cliché for every other man and switching my this blog towards feminism for or against ….I revert to my topic.

So like every other saturday,on this day too I wake up with great enthusiasm and confidence better say overconfidence I take my weight and Yes it did reduce 2 pounds from the last week..!!!!Yeah!!!Yahoo!! Suddenly a sense of victory and arrogance hovers around and I am drenched into this moment of triumph. Here comes into picture my Motivation to do more and at last My great sacrifices of eating less and a regular gym has paid me off.

Suddenly I recall the lines of a health magazine,which I religiously go through online every month even if i don’t follow any of the instructions completely, stating you should always reward yourself when you lose a pound of weight and here i am losing 2 pounds man..Party to banti hai!!!

So the plan of rewarding myself begins from a delicious lunch at an Indian restaurant,having a buffet with my fav.paneer chilli, fried rice, masala dosa, palak pakora, raita, salad….and of course my fav sweet dish…Fruit custard,rice kheer and just 1 gulab jamun. And gym it is also rewarding the walker and that annoying ab machine.

My husband like an innocent accomplice dares not to intervene my sabbatical plan of rewarding myself or else an anticipated ire. Dear Sunday is also spent browsing my fav. online khana khazana and cooking all sorts of rich delicious dishes.Finally sunday gives me an immense satisfaction without even a tinge of regret or bleakness that what I have done is a sheer nonsense.

So this day is a monday ..I’m again over this weight machine and Alas! am back to point zero ….and the state of self-denial, anger and regret covers my face and a gloomy day begins….promising myself once again that I will run an extra km, eat boiled food for a week , play tennis, swim and what not. Not even the “thekwa” I made last week and the chocolate mousse could shake up my determination and then my phone rings..Oh! its mom!!

There I am over the phone and the packet of Cheetos automatically tweaked into my fingures chatting (gossiping) with mama about each and every topic ranging from new recipes, the height of my dog, politics, my aunts..relatives…and there lies the basket full of orange and the apple cunningly smiling !!!

So my struggle and long fought battle begins and ends every monday to saturday….Alas! my self-denial and my motivation…mutually existing and my weight is static for last few months…..ending my desperate attempt of losing weight since time immemorial is/will go..sometimes I win the race and sometimes my fatty acids.

But I guess I can make it to be healthy and not as a fashion paranoid (my woman friends know how horribly fashionable I am)..

But the best part though I have been this plum, fatsoo kid all through my childhood,teenage,adolescent and guess an adult too…I do have all those tickling/irritating memories to cherish ..my nicknames to be the first n d best one “bhaisi”.

And here I am smiling as always.


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